normally I just say ‘born this way’…

Almost dark

Almost dark

in the last twenty years
my dad died of terminal cancer
asking me to contact Dr. Kevorkian (assisted life termination)
the pain was so unbearable towards the end
thankfully, he transitioned one week later
the youngest committed suicide
after a long battle with drugs and alcohol
she bled to death in my mother’s arms
one sister developed a terrible disease
with no known cause and no known cure
suffered for two years and then passed
my ex-partner died in a tragic fire
because hoarding took over her life
luckily, I moved out or I wouldn’t be here now
one brother is down for over 5 years now
unable to work with major depression
one sister took an apparent overdose
attempted suicide but failed
was in a semi-vegetative state for two years
until her husband pulled the feeding tube
without even notifying our family
two weeks after that failed suicide attempt
by our sister – our mother had a massive stroke
paralyzed with no use of legs and little use of right arm  
speech impacted but she lives on four years later
requiring round-the-clock care from my sister
so when people ask me why I’m depressed
normally I just say ‘born this way’…

I do not fear death nor do I fear evil doers.
I have been protected by an unseen force all my life,
and those who attempt me harm – see quick retribution
from the Cosmos. My heart is shattered and nothing
will ever fix it – not all the money in this world,
or all the power in this world. Sadness has been
my life long companion. Nothing really matters to me
now for myself – my only concern is helping my family
for as long as I can. Only Cosmos will make any dent
in the devastation that has occurred in my family,
and in my heart. There are no words or phrases that
can describe what this is like when you are a super-sensitive
soul, and that’s just the way life and karma goes…
(Copyright 10-20-15)

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